What is Old?

5 reasons to ditch the label and embrace aging

Photo by LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash

I love this photo. It makes my soul happy. You can tell they are having fun. And, wait for it. They are kind of, well. You know. Old. Fun and old? Who knew?

Codswallop, as my English husband would say. Bollocks to that.

And who defined the term “old” anyway?

I believe we each need to do that for ourselves. Getting older is inevitable. If we are lucky. We will watch our skin grow crepey and bruise easier. We will laugh enough to find horizontal exclamation points cradling our eyes, that now need various pairs of glasses to navigate each day. Our hair will turn silver or gray. Body parts will sag. Various aches and pains will appear. Strange shoe choices will manifest. And the list goes on. But what about the good stuff? Nobody seems to talk about that.

This year I am officially closer to 60 than to 50 and for those who know me, and how silly I can be that is tough to absorb. I have never had an “age thing”. Either about older people when I was young, or about younger people now that I am older. I am just, me. I do understand though that part of my Awesome Acceptance of Aging (AAA) has to do with my own level of happiness or life satisfaction and that not everyone is going to be Zen all of the time about their age. Except Jane Goodall. She seems pretty Zen. Or David Attenborough. Maybe it is an English Naturalist thing? But for the most part I find there are five key reasons why we should accept it, own it and embrace it.

1. We don’t have a choice. There. I said it. WE ARE GOING TO GET OLD. Premature death aside, this is the plan. The grand scheme of it all. You are born, you live, you get older and you die. Sorry. Knowing that, wouldn’t it make life a hell of a lot more fun if we just stop fighting it? I am not saying pack it in and give up. I just mean have fun with it. I was talking with my teenage daughter the other day about if and when I will let my brownish-auburnish hair go gray. I told her I will, possibly around 70. But for now, I will keep my every six week color appointment, thank you very much. But it isn’t because I don’t want to “look old”, it is because I still like my hair color, which still fits my face. And my spirit. My soul. My who I am today kind of deal.
2. It is better for our health. According to JAMA (The Journal of the American Medical Association), a study found that “those with the highest satisfaction with aging had a 43% lower risk of dying from any cause during four years of follow-up compared to those with the lowest satisfaction. People with higher satisfaction also had a reduced risk for chronic conditions such as diabetes, stroke, cancer and heart disease, as well as better cognitive functioning. People with a more positive attitude about growing old also were more likely to engage in frequent physical activity and less likely to have trouble sleeping than their less-satisfied peers. They also were less lonely, less likely to be depressed, more optimistic and had a stronger sense of purpose.” Further supporting the mind-body connection studies which encourage us to tend to our mental health as part of our overall well-being.
3. The Not Giving a Shit Thing. I am in a strange limbo between speaking my mind even more freely than I even have in the past (which is saying something) and just letting it all go, keeping my mouth shut with the knowledge that all will be as it should. This feels like some sort of cosmic hazing ritual where the Universe is testing me to see which way I will go. “Will she turn to the dark side and embrace the inner bitch she has always been? Or will she foster her inner Jane Goodall shedding all pretense, embrace nature and throw away her eyelash curler once and for all?” The jury is still out on this one (I really like my eyelash curler), but one thing is certain. I feel zero pressure to do most of the things I used to do out of obligation. The Shoulds are fading. The Wants are winning. While this year I am trying to embrace the word YES more than NO, that doesn’t mean accepting invitations just because they are on offer. I no longer feel obligated to do things just because they are expected of me.
4. Acceptance. I am alright with the fact that I will never jump out of a plane (voluntarily.) There was about a minute before I had kids where I wanted to skydive. That moment has passed. However, I do get the idea of a bucket list. I do. But I just don’t see the point of adding shit to it just because I am aware that someday I am going to die. You know what is on my bucket list? Dying. That way I know I will at least accomplish one thing on it. And, for the record, I am totally fine with the concept of death and always have been. Other than how it will effect my children, what’s the big deal? Maybe it is because I have always been somewhat lazy and death is like the ultimate nap?
5. Wisdom. Did I just hear you groan? An eye roll perhaps? Well, because I am so wise I won’t hold that against you. It’s a thing. As you get older you just know more stuff. About yourself. About others. About life. Living longer with an open heart is the window to wisdom. Perhaps this isn’t the most scientific perspective but who cares? (See numbers 1–4 above.) As we age, if we are fortunate, our hearts and minds have taken more in. More love, more life, more friendship, more sadness, more knowledge. This is where wisdom comes from. Experience. It is the flicker of a light that goes on inside you when someone says something that resonates with you. “I get that,” your inner voice cries. “I can relate,” it sings. “You might not want to buy that shirt with shoulder pads,” it exclaims. We know things.

So embrace the wrinkles, in yourself and in others. Flaunt the gray or don’t.

Aging may not always be easy, but it is a gift. And each day we should be writing a thank you note for it by living our richest, truest and wisest lives. With or without and eyelash curler.