What are you talking about?
How words become obsolete and why we should care
The other day my 6 feet tall, 15-year-old asked me to help him move a piece of furniture into his room. He is used to his Mom being fairly strong and capable over the years and here I was struggling to literally carry my own weight. I couldn’t do it. We put the dresser down and I laughed and said, “You know, I’m not a spring chicken anymore.” I might as well have been speaking Wookie. He said, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”
And rightly so. That was an expression my grandparents used. Why would my teenage son, who was born with electronics at his fingertips know an expression that has its roots in the 18th century when farmers found that chickens born in the spring were sold for better prices. Weird, and more than a little bit sexist.
But this started me thinking. Is this one of the reasons why there is a communication gap between generations? Are we really speaking different languages?
Just as my generation said, “cool” or “rad” (don’t judge) to express our approval, my children say things like “bet” or “hella” or “sick”. When my son first said “bet” I had the same blank look on my face as the one he had when I made the chicken comment.
Often on the way to school, an oddly chatty time, I will find myself speaking to him as if I was using my somewhat proficient Spanish or my very elementary French to communicate something I didn’t know the exact word for (which in French is almost everything other than owl, tomato and boy). “The long car on wheels that carries many people from one place to another.” “Uh, a train?” “Yes!” Or something along those lines.
“Swimming upstream.” “Worth a pretty penny.” “Grody.” “Bad to the bone.” “Pipe dream” (which actually comes from opium dens, who knew?) “Like it was going out of style.” “Like a broken record.” Even “hang up the phone” no longer exists for them. And the list goes on.
Some of these expressions themselves will offer insight as to why they become obsolete. “I need a rewind” is from audio and video tapes. “CC” on email means Carbon Copy, which for those of you under 40, was how we made copies of things before the copy machine existed.
I get it. Some of these expressions aren’t in use anymore because the actual things they reference are not. Fair enough. But what about “rad”. That’s a solid word.
Of course I had to find out.
The word, “rad” is, brace yourself, from the word, “radical” which has its origins in the 1600’s from political rallies or to describe someone as anti conformist. This eventually morphed into its mainstream use by teens in the 1970’s-1990's to express approval on how wonderful something is. This word has some serious longevity.
And, guess what? It’s back! Like acid wash and skinny jeans.
According to Navin Viswanathan, an Associate Professor of Communications, Sciences and Disorders at Penn State University, “Slang falls under language variation, and it’s often used in informal settings to build interpersonal relationships.” He also said that slang distinguishes some groups from others. So each generation creates their identity through their music, their fashion, their hair, their words. Wait a second, does that mean “rad” is theirs now? They can have the acid wash and the mullet and the skinny jeans. Truly. But “rad” is now theirs? If slang words are used by generations to distinguish themselves from others why are they stealing ours?
It turns out that like fashion, words also get recycled. Given the renaissance of the 1980s and all that came with it, “rad” was part of the package. I still want to know how it starts though. Does someone with a puffy sleeved day glow shirt and leg warmers say “rad” to their spinning class and the next thing you know it goes viral? I will stick to that version until I find out the truth.
I grew up hearing all about the “communication gap”. My parents had it with their parents. Although my parents skipped from the 1950’s to the 1970’s like the 60’s never happened so how bad could it have been? And other than it being parent-child fodder and topics for dissertations, the gap is real. Like any breakdown in communication, it can cause friction and frustration when either party feels they are not being heard or understood.
It can often be misconstrued though for disrespect when in fact it is really lack of comprehension. So what’s the secret? Sadly, I don’t know if there is just one, but for me, I have found that a few things help bridge the gap and they don’t just apply to the miscommunication.
- Be respectful. It isn’t their fault we don’t know what the hell they are talking about anymore than it was our parents.
- Use humor. My kids think it is hilarious most of the time when I have to ask what a word means, I just can’t ask with a slight hint of disgust or it blows the whole respect thing. (See above.)
- Ask questions. Show interest. Not in the “I am trying to be a rad parent” way. See what I did there? But just in being present, showing them you care enough to want to understand.
- This is the big one. Knowing when to let it go. If you drill to the point of getting them frustrated with your ignorance, the gig is up. Know when to walk away.
In the meantime, make hay while the sun shines and enjoy the conversations you can understand, and even the ones you can’t.
