A Self-Defined Cute-a-tarian
Food shaming dressed in sheep’s clothing
A few years ago I was in London having dinner with a dear, family friend. She had invited a woman along who was from her inner circle of work colleagues.
As we were ordering our entrees, it came up in conversation that I didn’t eat meat. They are both Indian and most of their families are vegetarians, so we talked a bit about it and that was that. We all ordered our meals, looking forward to sharing the feast with one another. The smells of the restaurant already making my mouth water.
One by one, the fragrant dishes began to arrive, each looking more delectable than the one before. As I was reaching for the Shrimp Saag, the woman I had just met asked me in her snarkiest British accent, “Wait, you won’t eat meat, but you will eat fish? Why? Why are the fish alright to eat and the animals aren’t?” she demanded.
“How is your lamb?” I politely inquired in response. (I resisted the impulse to also clarify that shrimp aren’t actually fish.)
Seriously? You are eating a baby version of one of the cutest animals on Earth without so much as a peep out of me, and you are asking ME why I am having a bite of a crustacean? I am not saying that the crustacean’s life holds less value than the lamb, but come on. Really? Why is it ok to not only question someone’s dietary habits but to judge them in the process? And this isn’t the first time I have experienced this.
I was in fact, an actual vegetarian for 20 years and even dabbled in being vegan but when I was pregnant with each of my children I began to eat fish now and again as it seemed to be what they were craving. Since that time, I have fallen off the veg wagon and will now occasionally even eat chicken. Gasp! And yawn. Seriously, hit the snooze. Who cares? But apparently, people do.
Over the years, I am often asked if I am a “pescatarian” or a “vegetarian” or a “vegan”, a “beegan” (seriously, it’s a thing), a “flexitarian” or my personal favorite, a “pollotarian”. Wow.
Who makes up these terms? These labels? And why are they important?
My own label is “cute-a-tarian”. I don’t eat cute animals. Yes, all animals are cute. Well, except maybe for hairless cats, but in most countries that isn’t even on the menu.
I didn’t set out to make it a thing, but since I was a child I would refuse to eat most of the dishes that came out of our 1970’s meat-centric kitchen. Even now, some of the culinary memories make me simultaneously gag and salivate; baby back ribs, lamb stew, breaded pork chops, Spam sandwiches (really), and the list goes on.
Lambs. Rabbits. Veal. Goats. I have cuddled all of these adorable creatures. How could I eat them? Even now, if I am around a (live) chicken for more than a minute I will cease eating poultry again for months.
I totally get the hypocrisy behind the way I eat. I won’t fish, yikes. Watching it squirm, the hook in the mouth thing, the bait alone…ick. But I will eat it now and again. I do feel that if you are willing to eat something, you should probably be able to kill it. But there’s the rub. I can’t. And I won’t. But this is my hypocrisy. I am not asking anyone else to live with it, validate it or even understand it. So why is it ok to question someone’s rationale behind their life choices? If someone isn’t hurting themselves, in a therapy session, on a talk show, or hurting others, why is this anyone’s business?
It isn’t. However, I recently learned that it is a type of food shaming.
According to the Cleveland Clinic, food shaming can take many forms and be as simple as negatively commenting on what someone else is eating. The roots of the shaming can be complex; the shamer’s own complicated relationship with food, their own guilt over eating, I don’t know….lamb, for example. But it is shaming, nonetheless. I am quite capable of defending myself but this is yet another example of something that shouldn’t need to be defended.
Recently, I have been examining many of the double standards in the “developed” society of 2023. We are more open than ever about some things and yet still so very judgemental of others. There is an essence of arrogance about it all that I find perplexing, and more than a little annoying. The Live and Let Live-ness of life that extends to some things and not to others.
Like choosing not to have children, or getting a tattoo, or buying an RV; these are personal life choices that nobody should have to justify.
So eat up. Be who you are. And when someone asks you why you do what you do, smile politely and ask them how there lamb is.
You and I will know what you are really saying.
