5 Things That Scare Me

Some of them might surprise you

Photo by Russell Ferrer on Unsplash

When I was younger I had all kinds of fears. The usual suspects like snakes, tidal waves, Spam and Member’s Only jackets. But as I got older and had children, I realized there were much bigger fears to conquer, most of which involved things I couldn’t control. So now, firmly in the middle of my ages (sounds much better than middle-aged), I choose to focus on the fears that won’t keep me up at night. So here goes.

1. People who drink their coffee black. Seriously. This concerns me. Should I be afraid of you, or in awe? The dark bitterness, the sheer nakedness of the bean, exposed raw for all of your taste buds to endure.
2. Anyone who doesn’t use a phone case. Who are you people? Marvel characters? Who never drops their phone? I drop mine 27 times BEFORE LUNCH. It’s somewhat arrogant to the rest of us mortals. It is like tall people who brag about being tall. We can’t help being average…OR, maybe that we might occasionally drop our phones in the pedicure bowl, from what I hear. Not being a naturally graceful person (I actually broke my arm in my garage. Just walking in my garage, not using a radial arm saw or anything), I often feel that walls and tables must be a little bit sadistic in their shape shifting abilities that allow them to move just enough for my bony knee to careen off an edge or two. Or sometimes my shoulder.
3. Crows. Whenever I see one, or a murder of them, it is like they are having a meeting of the Feathered Coven. Their name for a group of them should be the giveaway. A Murder. Could they be any more sinister with their sleek, ebony black feathers and unabashedly aggressive beaks? Incredible intelligence, mating for life and their tool making prowess are just some of these frighteningly resourceful birds greatest hits. AND, if the name of their flock isn’t enough to associate them with death, get this-they hold funerals for their dead. Which, admittedly is rather sweet, but let’s stay focused here. They freak me out.
4. Anyone who has a signature cocktail. As in, only drinks one thing when they go out. “I will have a Negroni.” they say smugly. To know yourself that well, that all the time you feel like the same drink? I don’t know from one day to the next what I am going to be craving. And I don’t drink enough to take it lightly. So it’s a bit of a struggle. I like the idea of a martini, but I really just want the olive. Can I order a glass of wine with an olive, but in a martini glass? If so, that is my signature drink. I love ordering made up drinks in bars and watching the perplexed face of the bartender. “I will have a Buggle Spritzer.” I say. The drink my daughter made up when she was 9. Sparkling water, splash of cranberry and float some blueberries on top. Just saying. It’s good.
5. People who have a hardcore routine. And stick to it. I often have a routine. But it never lasts for more than a few days. Which, I suppose, is actually the opposite of a routine. I like to blame it on my ADD, but I am not 100% certain that is fair. I truly believe some of us were just born with more of our shit together than others. I am definitely in the category of the latter. My husband writes in his Filofax (for those of you under the age of 45 that is a paper calendar) every day. His appointments, his To Do’s. They are written with the same color ink and lined up neater than Paul Hollywood’s vol-au-vents. He checks them off when they are done. Carries them to the next day when they aren’t. For 30 years. Every day. Now that’s scary.